Embracing Forgiveness: A path to healing and grace
Fr Roy Palatty - June 2024
Forgiveness begets healing. “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” (Luke 23:34) From the depths of anguish and betrayal preceding the Cross, this is what Jesus cried out to His Father-the epitome of forgiveness, unparalleled in history! Desmond Tutu says: “Without forgiveness, there is no future.” The astounding beauty of forgiveness is that when you forgive, you reclaim your future. The choice to forgive rather than to take revenge ensures that we rise with Christ.
Margaret Fitzsimmons grew up with an abusive mother and did not have a stable household as a child. She was even physically abused and once gang-raped by the people her mother left her with. The relationship she stepped into in her younger years also turned out to be unstable and abusive. Years later, in the safety of a stable family, she discovered Christ’s love, and this turned out to be the discovery of a lifetime. Not only did she learn to seek healing, but she realized that there is no healing without forgiveness. The horrible acts committed against her for years on end were in no way justifiable, but as she grew in faith, she realized that she had to let go of her past hurts. It took some time, but she discovered that forgiveness is not a gift you give to others, rather, it is something you bless yourself with first. Essentially, it is a gift from above that makes you the person you are called to be.
Healing begins when you choose to forgive in grace. True, her abusers took away so much from her, but the sublime light of Christ helped her to accept her traumatic situation. Her path to a grace-filled life started with forgiveness—she reached out to her mother repeatedly until they found peace. She forgave her first husband for the years of terror he trapped her in, and finally, over time, she came to forgive the rape incident too. As she shares: “Forgiveness doesn’t take away the memories, but it does take away the hurt.” Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else. You are the one who gets repeatedly burned instead. Scripture says: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” (Matthew 22:39) Do you really love yourself? Taking time to love yourself will help you learn how to love others.
We tend to bury our past, but each time it is unearthed, we feel pain. The Risen Christ reminds us to look at our past with love and compassion. Remember how Jesus waited on the shore with breakfast for Peter who had renounced Him? Forgive everyone, even those who are not sorry for the pain they caused you. Holding on to anger only hurts you, not others. Unforgiveness, it is said, is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. “Forgiveness has nothing whatsoever to do with how wrong someone else was; no matter how evil, cruel, narcissistic, or unrepentant they are. When you forgive a person, you break the ties with their ill deeds that keep you in anguish.” (Bryant McGill)
O Lord, help me to love more, and not to hate. Let your love fill me, overflow, and touch those near me. Even when it is hard, even when I don’t feel like it, Lord, grant me the grace to choose love.
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